Hysterical-rectemies

IMG_1503Sept 3rd, 2013 – A year ago today, I had a hysterectomy.   I had a uterine fibroid that had reached 6-7cm.  Which means it had been gaining 1-2cm a year since it was first detected, and no sign in sight of it getting smaller.  My first gynecologist wanted to cut me open with a 4-5 inch cut, she wasn’t sure if she was going to cut me horizontal or vertical, and I decided NFW was she touching me.  My doctor referred me to another gynecologist, who teaches other gynecologists how to do daVinci surgeries (4 small holes, instead of one big gash), and the rest was “hystery.”  

After the procedure, I remember recovering in the hospital, feeling so wonderful.  And then the drugs wore off…and I still felt so wonderful.   All the stress, anxiety, frustration, and pissiness that came with being a woman…just vanished.   I joke now that I still can’t believe how much HATE a uterus holds, and you don’t realize it until it’s gone.  The wonderment that enveloped my mind when I realized I never had to buy maxi pads or tampons ever again.   No more taking birth control pills – you know the ones that made your face break out, made you gain weight, and so friggin’ moody no one wanted to have sex with you once you started taking them.   No more having to plan vacations around “my highly erratic cycle.”   No more cancelled “date nights” because I started early.   I have never been so happy, even though other circumstances in my life are not always so wonderful.

Perhaps I will regret someday, that I never had children.  Being from Italian Catholic and Lebanese Catholic families, having children and the importance of family was always stressed.   But sometimes, in a fit of anger, my mother would always say “Someday, you’re going to have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU.”  When she said it, the underlying message was that I must’ve been a terrible daughter.  I know NOW that I’m not.   But the incentive to reproduce after hearing that was long gone.  Who needed that grief and aggravation?   Not me…at the time.  

A few years ago, I decided to choose my family, because the family I was born into wasn’t going to last forever.   And I have to admit, since September 3rd, 2013, my reproductive options have been pretty limited!   My chosen family is awesome-sauce.  It changes from time to time, as families do, but I have some great people in my life.  Sometimes I meet them through comedy, sometimes I meet them through my strange life – but they are there and I can’t thank them enough!

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